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Nurturing Your Adult Friendships
Emily Allen
November 20, 2024
Welcome to Wednesday, {{First.name | Friend}}!
Midweek is here, and with it, a gentle nudge to pause, breathe, and reflect. Whether your week feels like a sprint, a stroll, or something in between, I hope this note finds you with a little space to dream and a lot of courage to keep going.
Remember, every day—even Wednesdays—offers a fresh canvas to begin again. 💛
You know that warm, fuzzy feeling when a friend really gets you? You don’t have to pretend, hide, or be anything other than exactly who you are. That friend is the same one who probably shows up exactly when and how you need them.
We’re not about chasing the warm fuzzies, but we are about Starting Over each day in your life so that you might look at those long-term support systems as an integral part of your life – something that you’ve got to have rather than something that’s nice to have.
I’ve heard that human adults often put our friendships on the back burner. There’s just too much to do, they say! There are too many deliverables. Timelines. Deadlines. Problems to solve. Our obligations and responsibilities tend to take center stage. But we can’t forget that maintaining strong friendships in a healthy, supportive network isn’t negotiable. It’s hard-wired into who we are; it helps us weather even the most difficult moments.
Sending you love and friendship,
— Start Over Kitty
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'”
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DEEP DIVE
Research consistently shows that meaningful friendships aren't just nice to have—they're fundamental to our well-being.
A fascinating continuing 80-year-old study from the Harvard Study of Adult Development revealed that close relationships are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or genes.
It’s not fame or money that brings us more freedom and joy; it’s our relationships with one another. And whether we are looking to Start Over in our professional life or in personal ways, it’s that relational longevity we can be aiming for to drive our choices.
Strong social connections have the power to get us through difficult and often isolating times, as many people experience during the holiday season. Healthy, sustained support networks of family and friends can also provide:
Lowered anxiety and depression
Increased sense of belonging
Enhanced career opportunities
Added years to your life (literally!)
Here’s where it gets interesting: Quality matters far more than quantity. It’s not about having hundreds of connections on social media; it’s about nurturing those handfuls of deep, meaningful relationships that fill your cup.
The Permission to Start Over Guide to Friendship Maintenance:
Make Regular Deposits
Just like a savings account, friendships need regular deposits of time and attention. Schedule regular check-ins, even if it's just a quick voice message or a funny meme.
Practice Vulnerable Communication
Share your real thoughts and feelings. Be brave enough to say, "I need help," or "I miss you."
Show Up Consistently
Be there for the big moments AND the small ones. Sometimes, just listening to a friend vent about their day is more valuable than grand gestures.
Set Clear Boundaries
Healthy friendships need boundaries. It's okay to say no, communicate your needs, and expect respect in return. If that text message reply needs to wait, your friend will understand!
QUICK HITS
📖 The 80-Year-Old Ongoing Harvard Study on Adult Development & Friendship Still Relevant Today
🤗 How Adults Can Make and Keep New Friends
📊 Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy (Study)
🧬 The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy
🌍 Building Community and the Loneliness Epidemic
WEEKLY CHALLENGE
Ready for a quick relationship self-check?
Rate yourself (1-5) on these friendship dimensions:
_ I make time for regular check-ins.
_ I’m vulnerable with my trusted friends.
_ I show up consistently for others.
_ I ask for help when I need it.
_ I maintain healthy boundaries.
How’d you do? All fives? Your friends are lucky to have you! All joking aside, there is always an area in which we can Start Over with a renewed commitment to ourselves and those we love with a sense of purposeful motion. Here’s the challenge: Choose one of the areas listed above and take action to improve in one small way each day this week.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Do you know how those friends and employees who seem to maintain relationships effortlessly keep it up? Here’s their secret: They treat friendship like any other important life priority. They focus on offering a mutual give-and-take, vulnerability and honesty, quality time, and taking on roles like listening, motivating, having fun, and connecting.
When we share our struggles openly, we invite meaningful connections and give others the chance to lift us up, too.
With you in the storm.
Start Over Kitty & The Permission to Start Over Team
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